Monday, January 17, 2011

Conversion part 4

I'm not sure how much time passed after the conversation at the gym. I know there were a few incidents with anorexia that I will not re-account mostly because I don't want to remember them. After one such incident I returned home from the hospital and went straight to my closet to cry. This was a typical place for me to have pity parties. It was a walk-in closet and typically organized. There were no windows and I could shut the door and just be alone.

I sat there and cried my eyes out. I remember thinking nothing could change me and my life was pretty much over. I was extremely weak and every attempt I made to stand up made me lightheaded. I don't know how long I was in there but in the midst of my sob session, I found the Book of Mormon Tara gave me for my birthday three or four years ago. I opened it for the first time and saw a picture of Christ taped to the inside cover and Tara's testimony on the following page. I flipped through the pages and stopped in a section that Tara highlighted. It was 3 Nephi 11. I started reading. I know I read more than just third Nephi and Moroni's promise but the truth is, I don't remember what else I read. I know I didn't understand any of it but whatever it was it kept my mind off of the pity party I was throwing myself.

I stopped reading when the phone rang. I left the closet and answered it. It was my friend Carolyn. She wanted to know if I would to come over and have dinner with her family. I decided to go, even though I was in no mood for eating.

I was there for a few hours before the missionaries showed up. Their dinner appointment canceled and they stopped by to see if they could grab a bite to eat. Of course, Carolyn's mom was happy to have them. I started talking with the missionaires. I explained to them that I had taken the discussions before and I was in no way interested in joining the church, but I was more than happy to talk to them about it. They asked me if I would watch a movie about Christ with them. I agreed. During the movie the spirit was stirring inside of me and the thought entered my mind that this was exactly the change I needed. After the movie, the elders asked my if I would read a few passages from the Book of Mormon for them. I responded by telling them I wanted to get baptized.

They were certainly suprised, as was Carolyn's family. But I think my decision suprised me the most. I think those elders thought I was golden, but I am sure the four sets before them didn't.

About a month later I was baptized. To tell you the truth, even on the day of my baptism, I didn't know the church was true. All I knew was that I needed it in my life. I lived the gospel the best I knew how and made a lot of changes in my life, but my conversion certainly wasn't complete because I didn't know that this was the only true church. I just realised I was one of those weak people who needs religion and elders were in the right place at the right time.

For some, this is the end of my conversion but I still feel like there is more. So there is more to be continued...


Brown Family said...

loving this!! keep it coming!

A & L said...

I'm so happy you are sharing this!! Can't wait for more!

vandi said...

Jen you are so amazing. Way to be brave and honest. It only makes me love you that much more. I'm so sorry you were in such a dark place before. When you spoke of being in that closet, I just wished with all my heart that I could be there with you to hug you and tell you that very soon you would find your Savior, the one who understood completely all of your pain and the one who could change and completely heal you. I love you Jen, can't wait to hear more: )