Conversion part 7

So I know this is getting long, I mean part 7? when's it going to end? I promise, it does and we are getting close, but I don't want to leave out a single detail because I fear someday I wont remember these details that really mean so very much to me. So bear with me. (part 6 here)

Chapter 7: jetBlue

My friend Carolyn worked for United Airlines before 9/11. After that many of the newer flight attendants had been let go. Carolyn was one of them. Consequently, she had heard about jetBlue and knew that they were hiring despite the fact that the industry was in a little trouble. She got the job and soon convinced me to start applying. I was feeling like I needed to do something with my life. I either needed to go back to school and finish my degree or get a full time job. So, I applied. They flew me out for an interview and a few hours after I arrived home, they called and offered me a job.

While I worked at JetBlue, I had a few experiences that really strengthened my testimony. I feel these experiences are pertinent to me developing a testimony because after the experience I made a decision and each of these decisions lead me closer to Christ. I am going to attempted to share them all in this post, so that is why it is a long one.

(I didn't want this huge thing on the front of my blog so you gotta get the rest after the jump)

Conversion part 6

So, its been a long time since I added a chapter to my conversion story and I've been thinking about it a lot lately so, I will attempt to continue. My last conversion post was about what I learned from Elder Shrieve, you can read about it here or start from the beginning here, its a doosey though.

These next two chapters will be about two groups of people who changed my thoughts about the church from something-I-need-right-now to the-only-church-with-God's-authority.

This chapter is called: The Toomey's

I was baptized into a different ward than my best friend Tara. I was really tempted to just go to her ward because I didn't know anyone in my ward except the missionaries. I don't know who, maybe it was Tara, convinced me to go to my ward. I thought, I'll go once so I can say I tried it out but then I'll go to Tara's ward. That was my plan.

I went to my ward, sat in the back, talked to no one and fabricate thoughts about how unfriendly this ward was. After sacrament meeting, I got up to leave but Jana Toomey was too quick. She was a pregnant mother of three and someone I never thought I could really have a connection with, mostly because we were so different. Just to remind you, I was not the same person many of you know now, obviously not as cool and mature as I am now (insert sarcasm here). But seriously, I was pretty immature. She told me her family just moved into our neighborhood and invited me over for dinner. Honestly, I accepted because I didn't know how to say no.

I can't remember if it was a Sunday or a Monday that I went to Jana's house for dinner. I don't think it really matters. I don't really remember much about that first time I had dinner with the Toomey's except the fact that I felt little uncomfortable at their house. With that said, they invited me to join them for family home evening each week, and thats what I did.

I don't know how long I joined them each monday, I can't recall a single lesson or remember a single meal they served me. What I can tell you is that the Toomey's showed me what living the gospel looks likes. They let me be a part of their family in a very personal way. They taught me pure doctrine simply by living their lives and letting me be a part of it. I'm not saying they were perfect and I'm not saying that my family members weren't good examples to me (I have an incredible family!) all I am saying is that my time being a part of the Toomey's family showed me what Heavenly Father knew someday I would want.

I'm absolutely positive that the Toomey's have no idea how integral these family home evenings were to my conversion. I didn't know it at the time either. I didn't realize this until I meet the next group of people, which I will tell you all about on another day.

Anyway, last thing, maybe Jana wasn't the first person I thought I could really be friends with, but she was the kind of friend every person needs to have in their life at sometime. Sometimes the most unpredictable friendships are the most cherished. I strive to be a friend like Jana.

Next chapter? JetBlue....

to be continued...

Conversion part 5

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

So the reason I say my conversion was not complete is because I remember a distint decision I made that after I was baptized I would still not pay tithing. This also makes me think that I had a problem with honesty because I know that is a question in the interview before baptism. I just felt like my money was earned and I did not want to give any of it to the church. I just tell you this so you have an idea of where my mind was at this time. I obviously did not understand that everything that I have has been given to me from God. I was also very selfish and very materialistic.

Anywho, that aside, a little after I was baptized I was working at a bank and had an incident with a customer. I'm not sure how he found out I was Mormon but he was really concerned about it and brought in some literature about Joseph Smith. He asked me what it said about the book of Mormon on the cover. "Another Testament of Jesus Christ." He said another means a different testament, different than the Bible. In other words, the Bible was a true testament and the book of Mormon was a different one so it cannot be true.

I didn't know how to respond. I had only been a member for a couple months, I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I had this gross feeling in the pit of my stomach and I could not think of a thing to say to him. I don't think I even thought about what he said to me, I just felt like there was something wrong. I did read the literature at my break and it also gave me a horrible feeling.

I went home that day, thinking is the church true or not true? Did it really matter, it was changing my life? I was happier. I was eating. I wasn't dying. The gospel was literally saving my life. Did I even care if it was true? I could always stop when I felt like it wasn't doing me any good. right? It was still doing me good, so I'm fine. right? I still had this gross feeling in the pit of my stomach and I knew something was very wrong.

My evening activities went similar to any other day. I was getting ready for bed when someone came knocking at the door.

It was Elder Shrieve and Elder Tarah. Crazy how they just show up when I really need them. Their appointment canceled and they stopped by to see how I was doing. Right away they knew something was wrong and asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I invited them in and told them what happened.

I remember three main points from Elder Shrieve's response:
1. That horrible feeling I had was the Holy Ghost telling me what I was hearing was wrong.

2. Another doesn't have to mean different, as in not true. Yes, there is one source of truth, but its not the Bible or the book of Mormon, it is God. The word another can mean different as in two different experiences of the same thing. Another testament is simply a different account. Now that felt right.

3. Where does satan focus his time and energy? Not on those making bad choices. They have friends and the woes of life to help keep them down. He focuses on those making good decisions. He focuses on people whose friend's choices no longer have a negative influence and those who choose to be happy no matter what life brings them. As long as I continue making good choices, satan will continue to try and influence me in blunt, harsh ways until I am consistent enough in making good choices. Once he realizes those direct tactics no longer work on me, he will be trixy and much more subtle.

I guess there were four things I remember from this visit. After our discussion, Elder Shrieve said to me, "I think you should start preparing for a mission."

In my head: Elder Shrieve must be going crazy. The church would never send me on a mission, I know nothing (I had only been a member for two months when he said this to me). I'm not even paying tithing. No way on earth will I ever go on a mission.


To be continued....

Conversion part 4

read part 1, part 2, part 3

I'm not sure how much time passed after the conversation at the gym. I know there were a few incidents with anorexia that I will not re-account mostly because I don't want to remember them. After one such incident I returned home from the hospital and went straight to my closet to cry. This was a typical place for me to have pity parties. It was a walk-in closet and typically organized. There were no windows and I could shut the door and just be alone.

I sat there and cried my eyes out. I remember thinking nothing could change me and my life was pretty much over. I was extremely weak and every attempt I made to stand up made me lightheaded. I don't know how long I was in there but in the midst of my sob session, I found the Book of Mormon Tara gave me for my birthday three or four years ago. I opened it for the first time and saw a picture of Christ taped to the inside cover and Tara's testimony on the following page. I flipped through the pages and stopped in a section that Tara highlighted. It was 3 Nephi 11. I started reading. I know I read more than just third Nephi and Moroni's promise but the truth is, I don't remember what else I read. I know I didn't understand any of it but whatever it was it kept my mind off of the pity party I was throwing myself.

I stopped reading when the phone rang. I left the closet and answered it. It was my friend Carolyn. She wanted to know if I would to come over and have dinner with her family. I decided to go, even though I was in no mood for eating.

I was there for a few hours before the missionaries showed up. Their dinner appointment canceled and they stopped by to see if they could grab a bite to eat. Of course, Carolyn's mom was happy to have them. I started talking with the missionaires. I explained to them that I had taken the discussions before and I was in no way interested in joining the church, but I was more than happy to talk to them about it. They asked me if I would watch a movie about Christ with them. I agreed. During the movie the spirit was stirring inside of me and the thought entered my mind that this was exactly the change I needed. After the movie, the elders asked my if I would read a few passages from the Book of Mormon for them. I responded by telling them I wanted to get baptized.

They were certainly suprised, as was Carolyn's family. But I think my decision suprised me the most. I think those elders thought I was golden, but I am sure the four sets before them didn't.

About a month later I was baptized. To tell you the truth, even on the day of my baptism, I didn't know the church was true. All I knew was that I needed it in my life. I lived the gospel the best I knew how and made a lot of changes in my life, but my conversion certainly wasn't complete because I didn't know that this was the only true church. I just realised I was one of those weak people who needs religion and elders were in the right place at the right time.

For some, this is the end of my conversion but I still feel like there is more. So there is more to be continued...

Conversion part 3

read Part 1, Part 2


My first year of college, Tara and I were still pretty inseparable. I went to Institute with her fairly often. I specifically remember an institute class where Brother Nelson explained how choosing to be offended really only hurts you. I had recently been offended by a friend and had decided I was no longer going to spend my time with someone who believed the offensive thing she had said to me. During this lesson, I realized that I was trying to punish her for saying such hurtful things to me but in reality, I was punishing myself. I had been carrying a much larger burden than I needed to and I just felt gross inside. I made a goal to try not to take offense and to forgive others.

My second year of college, I continued to spend time with Tara and attend institute sporadically. About half way through the semester, I became very sick because I had an eating disorder. I struggled with low self esteem for a years. I remember a time I was leaving the gym and reflecting on a conversation I had there. The conversation was with a women who had a lot of confidence. She had said to me that we all have weaknesses and there is nothing we can do about them. We just have to accept ourselves the way we are. Some of us have certain tendencies and our lives will be be happier when we learn to embrace those natural feelings. Now, I understand what she was saying but to me, then, I felt like she was telling me there is nothing I can do to change who I am. This was so depressing to me. I am always going to be anorexic? I can't change? I am stuck hating myself? This is how I felt at the time. It was clear to me that I needed to make some kind of major course correction but I started to believe that the kind of change I needed was impossible. Needless to say, my condition just got worse and there was a time after I had eaten very little for weeks, that I thought I was ready to die of anorexia.


To be continued...

Conversion part 2

Scroll down to read part 1

Tara and I started hanging out a lot. We mostly hung out at her house probably because her mom is hilarious and her house is ginormous. Sometimes, when I would come over two guys in suits and tags wanted to do a little lesson with me. I didn't mind listening to their spiel. I always did because I thought they needed to give so many lessons to get some kind of merit badge. I really didn't think these lessons would benefit me much at all.

I always believed what they said about Joseph Smith. He had a life changing experience, what is there to pray about? I thought, "good for him." I didn't see the use in praying about it like they always asked me to do because I didn't doubt it. I also never had much luck praying. Probably because I had absolutley no idea what I was doing and I only prayed about frivolous things that seem to only matter to a teenage girl. I had prayed maybe twice in my life at that point. Anywho, I never doubted Joseph Smith's experience but I also had no idea what it had to do with me. Remember I was taught nothing about Christ. Well, eventually the elders asked me to get baptized. I really didn't know what that meant but I said sure because I didn't know what else to say. Honestly, I thought the idea of baptism sounded very strange. I spent the next couple weeks avoiding the missionaries like Aaron avoids mayonnaise. Yep, I was one of those investigators. Please don't hate me.

I continued to hang out with Tara. New missionaries came and went. I always meet with them like Tara asked me to, but I learned to say "no" to the baptism question. I didn't want to be Mormon but I also didn't mind helping them with their "merit badges." I never once fulfilled my assignment to read the Book of Mormon and I honestly can't remember if I ever prayed about anything they asked me to. I think I went through four sets of missionaries. If you served a mission I give you permission to get frustrated with me all over again, I'm sure those missionaries were.

To be continued...

conversion part 1

I know I am not the best at updating the blog but I at least I have plenty to improve on.

Anyway, there are a few things I want to record for myself, my conversion story being one of them. I will spread my conversion story over a few posts as it is long. Do not feel obligated to read this but know that if you do, I'm going to get personal.

Part one:

Although I was raised in a family with high moral standards and values, my family was never religious (at least while I was around). I never really understood what it meant to be Christian. I sometimes said I was but I didn't know what I was saying. I think I just heard other people say it. I was taught nothing about Christ. On occasion, I wondered if there was a God but didn't think it mattered if I believe in one or not. I never read the bible. I kind of assumed religion was one of those things weak people need to help them through life's struggles. Turns out we are all weak and we all need Christ's help.

Mormon encounter #1: In junior high, I had all of my classes with Julianne Haws. Consequently, we became friends. One year she invited me and Cory to girls camp. I didn't know it was a church camp but we went and had a fun time. I really don't remember any of the details.

Mormon encounter #2: I meet Carolyn when I started cheerleading in junior high. Her entire family joined the church when she was eight.  I also used to get to school early (because I was nerdy like that) and I hung out with some of the Mormon kids that got to school early because of seminary. I went to seminary a couple of times with Carolyn but I don't remember much because I slept through it.

Mormon encounter #3: I took driver's ed with Tara our junior year of high school. She lived up the street from me. We started hanging out and eventually became best friends. She invited me to church. I went once but found it extremely boring and decided to make up excuses so I wouldn't have to go again. I had my dad tell her I was sleeping when she called on Sunday mornings. That didn't stop her from calling. She gave me a Book of Mormon for my birthday with a bunch of other crazy stuff. I threw the book in my closet.

To be continued...